The year 2024. Farhampton Inn. It's snowing. Ted and the mother are talking at a table. Ted tells her a story of a "real snowstorm"
Flashback: Freshmen year of college. Marshall & Ted are roommates.
The Mother already heard it: Drove home, 500 miles played, spooned to keep warm.
Ted: Okay, another story
Mother: Heard that one too. Took over bar, met a band, go hens!. they played for Lily at the airport
Ted: How about the time Marshall
Mother: Tried to put lights on Lily's grandparents' house, next door kid stole the ladder
Ted: So I've told you all my stories
Mother: I have stories. My college roommates and I went to a male strip club
Ted: And your friend Dong Nose got smacked on the nose with a dong
Mother: What about the story about
Ted: How Dong Nose got her name
Ted: I guess it's official, we're an old married couple....
*looks at each other*
*high five then kiss*
Concierge comes by and tells them to have fun but don't break any lamps like Barney and Robin
The mother doesn't know this story!
Ted: OMG You don't know this one!
"Robin broke a lamp"
She's wearing a hockey uniform. Her little sister is also there playing as the goalie. (Tough girl alert!)
Ted sees Barney go into room 9
So he goes to the front desk to ask for the name of the person in room 9.
It belongs to a Miss Susan Tupp
Ted: oh boy....
Turns out Barney is trying to choose a suit for the wedding. There's about five racks filled with suits in the room.
"When I walk down the aisle"
That's the bride
"When everyone stands up"
That's also the bride
"The groom really gets boned in this whole wedding thing
Lily is showing Robin a scrapbook of Barney and Robin's journey
She's disinterested and sees "The Wedding Bride Too" on paper-per-view
"Best day ever!"
Concierge comes over and ask if they were talking about The Wedding Bride Too
The mother tells him that the movie was Stella's husband and it's based on Ted
We see a scene from the movie
Ted: my friends made us to never watch this
Marshall, Lily, and Robin are laughing their butts off, drinking scotch, watching it.
Sidenote: I thought Lily and Marshall were mad at each other. Did that one tiny conversation where they're like "Let's go to Italy", "We have to stay here" solve everything?
Ted picks a bunch of suits but Barney doesn't like any of them because they have sexual stories
Stuff about stuffing ladies and Playboy Mansion
Robin's grandmother tell a touching story about her wedding day and something about wildflowers
It's actually a touching story but I'm just going along with Robin's outlook right now
Ted yells at Barney to "SAY YES TO THE SUIT!!"
Barney: I can't! I can't!!
Lily says she has another dress she'd like to wear and she'll go put it on right now
The Mother: Oh no, I know this story too
Lily shows up wearing her wedding dress (Looks great by the way)
Ted: I'm just a boring old man spinning the same old yarns
Mother: Hey, I love your yarns
Mother: You're the love of my life pooh bear, I just worry about you. I don't want you to be the guy who lives in his stories. Life only moves forward
Ted: So what happens next with Lily and the wedding dress?
Mother: *holds Ted's hand closer* Well, Lily brought the dress so she and Marshall could take better wedding photos. Yet another story I know. What kind of space would I have in my brain if I didn't know all this? Eh probably some state birds or some stuff.
*Ted kisses her hand*
Lily wants to use Robin's photographer. She also brought Marshall's tux.
"Fine!" "Fine!" "FINE!"
Barney: US Marines have to get married in uniform, I'll just go enlist. DUDE we can enlist together! That's the dream!
Ted tells him to put on the suit
It's too big but they don't seem to notice.
Barney: Where they stand up for me?
Ted: No they do that for her
Barney: They should, she's amazing
Ted tells some sappy stuff
Barney turns around and the suit suddenly fits (MOOOVIE MAGICC!!)
Barney: So....belts. *pulls out a huge rack of belts*
Barney and Ted walks in. Barney: Hey Lily, nice dress
Lily: So no one cares I'm wearing this dress
Ted: I care! *moves red wine*
Lily: This is the last time we're all going to be together
Future Ted: Sometimes it's better to just leave things unsaid
Marshall: Hey Ted, I don't want you to have to sit through this movie
Ted: Thanks Narshall. I saw it on the plane
Barney: Yeah Narshall. Right Narshall?
Ted: Man, take it down Swarley
Barney: It's supposed to be my special day
Movie: Jed and Narshall wake up in the snowy car and there's a Big Foot next to them
Robin goes out to get ice and runs into her mother in the hallway. *She starts crying*
Future Ted: And that's how it happened, even the surprise ending
The Mother: Is that really a surprise? I mean, what mother is going to miss her daughter's wedding?
Ted looks at her and looks like he's about to cry. The Mother takes his hand "oh hey, come on" *holds his hand* "did Barney really wear a scuba suit into the bar?"
Ted: he stole it. Walked right into a sporting goods store tried it on and walked right out. walked all the way home in it
They talk late into the night
Now, there's a theory that I read online that says The Mother is actually dead and that's why Ted started crying when she said the thing about missing a daughter's wedding. But the part where the concierge (I still can't remember his name) talks to Ted and The Mother shows that she's still alive enough for her to be seen. Also, what does Vesuvius have to do with this episode?